Lesley | Anxiety Therapy Buffalo Amherst WNY

Spending Time with Friends Reduces Anxiety

April 10, 2018 by Lesley

You may have noticed there is nothing more calming or comforting than spending quality time with someone who makes you feel safe, understood and valuable. Did you know that face-to-face interaction causes a flood of hormones that counteracts the body’s defensive “fight-or-flight” response? It’s one of nature’s natural stress relievers, and as an added benefit, it also helps ward off depression and anxiety. So making it a point to connect regularly in person with family and friends is a great way to reduces stress and anxiety.

Also, it’s important to keep in mind that the people you talk to and spend time with don’t necessarily have to be able to “fix” your stress. They just simply need to listen empathically. Do your best not to let concerns about looking weak or being a burden keep you from opening up and connecting. The people who truly care about you will be honored by your trust in them and glad to offer some support. It may, in fact, really strengthen your bond.

Of course, it may not always be possible or practical to have a friend or support available to lean on when you feel anxious or overwhelmed by stress. By taking the time to build and maintain a network of close friends you can definitely improve your resiliency to life’s stressors and lower anxious feelings. So, how do you do that?

Here are some tips for building relationships:

1. That work colleague you wish you knew better? Reach out!

2. Get your volunteer game on! Helping someone else is also a great way to help yourself

3. Invite a friend for coffee or lunch

4. Set up regular check ins with a loved one

5. Join someone for a movie or a concert

6. Call, text, DM or old-school email an old friend

7. Find a workout buddy and check out new classes, plan walks, or go on adventures

8. Set up a weekly dinner date

9. Sign up to take a class or join a club to meet new people with similar interests

10. Confide in a trusted spiritual advisor, teacher, coach, or consider seeing a therapist

If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

Exercise for Stress-Relief

March 13, 2018 by Lesley

Most of us in western New York at this point in the season are feeling some cabin fever, and just wanting the stress of winter to be over. All the shoveling, travel delays and closings has taken its toll. I know that when you’re stressed and tired, the last thing you feel like doing is getting up and exercising. However, physical activity is a huge stress reliever! Even if you aren’t an athlete or don’t spend hours in a gym, you can still experience the benefits. Even simply taking a walk has been shown to lower cortisol levels (cortisol is a stress hormone). More cardio-based exercise releases endorphins like dopamine and serotonin that make you feel good, even energized. It can also serve as a valuable or necessary distraction from your daily worries and stressors.

You’ll get the most benefit from regularly exercising for 30 minutes or more, at least a couple days a week. If that feels daunting, it’s perfectly okay to build up your fitness level gradually over time. Even very small activities can make a difference over the course of a day. The first step is to just get yourself up and moving. Here are some simple ways to incorporate exercise for stress relief into your daily schedule:

• Put on some music and dance around
• Take your dog for a run or walk
• Walk or bicycle to do neighborhood errands
• Take the stairs at home or work whenever possible rather than an elevator
• Park in the farthest spot in the lot and walk the rest of the way
• Pair up with an exercise buddy and encourage each other as you work out
• Play ping-pong or an activity-based video game with your kids

The stress-relieving benefits of mindful rhythmic exercise
While just about any form of physical activity can be helpful to reduce tension and stress, rhythmic activities are especially effective. Good choices include walking, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, tai chi, and aerobic activities. It’s important that whatever you choose, it’s something you enjoy – you will be so much more likely to stick with something you enjoy.

While you’re exercising, make a conscious effort to pay attention to your body and the physical and emotional sensations you experience as you’re moving through your routine. Try as much as you can to coordinate your breathing with your movements. For example, simply notice how the air or sunlight feels on your skin. Adding this mindfulness element will help you get out of your head and into your body, often breaking the cycle of negative thoughts that often accompanies overwhelming stress.

If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

Do-It-Yourself Stress Management

February 20, 2018 by Lesley

Self-Help Techniques for Dealing with Stress

Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing you can do about stress. There will always be bills to pay, there will never be more than 24 hours in the day, and work and family responsibilities will always be there, demanding your time and energy. However, you actually have a lot more control than you may think. In truth, realizing that you’re the one in control of your life is the foundation of managing stress. Stress management is all about taking charge: of your lifestyle, your thoughts, your emotions, and the way you handle problems. No matter how stressful your life seems, there are simple steps you can take to reduce the pressure and regain your power.

Why is it so important to manage stress?
When you live with high levels of stress, you put your entire well-being at risk. Stress wreaks havoc on your mental and emotional equilibrium, as well as your physical health. It impacts your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy your life.
With effective stress management, you can break the hold stress has on your life, so you can be happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal is a life of balance, where there’s time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun, as well as developing the resilience to handle pressure and meet challenges head on. Good stress management is not cookie-cutter: it’s important to try different strategies to find out what works best for you.

Here’s one tip that can really help: Identify the sources of stress in your life
Managing stress and reducing anxiety starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This may not be as easy as it sounds. While it’s simple to identify major stressors such as switching jobs, moving, losing a loved one, or a going through a separation/divorce, discerning the sources of chronic stress can be more challenging. It’s easy to miss how your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors contribute to your everyday stress levels. Sure, you may know that you’re constantly worried and anxious about work deadlines, but maybe it’s your lack of organization or procrastination, rather than the actual demands of the job, that is causing the stress.

To identify your true stressors, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:
– Do you explain away stress as temporary (“It’s just that I have a ton of things going on right now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a break?
– Do you define stress as an fundamental part of your home or work life (“Things are always crazy around here”), or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy, that’s it”)?
– Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional (“It’s just that he/she/this situation makes me crazy”) or (“This is just how life is”)?
Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control.
If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

How do I cope with the stress of winter?

February 6, 2018 by Lesley

Now that we’re in the middle of winter, it can feel like the season will be never-ending. The cold weather, lack of sunlight, grey skies, constant shoveling and all the extra clothes and gear needed to leave the house can be incredibly stressful. Many people struggle this time of year with both anxiety and depression, and just feel very stressed out by all the effort required to to function normally in this climate. One way to better manage your stress and anxiety is to bring your “A game” using the 4 A’s of Anxiety Management:

1. AVOID unnecessary stress
Generally in life, and especially in therapy, avoidance is not a good idea. However, if there are stressors that cause you a lot of anxiety, like driving far distances in bad weather, then avoiding them can actually be a helpful. Of course, it’s not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may feel much better eliminating non-essential stressors. Removing unnecessary stress is simple when you can:
– Learn to say “NO.” This two letter word is invaluable in helping us define our limits and stick to them. Whether personally or professionally, assuming more than you can handle is a certain recipe for stress and anxiety. Get clear on the difference between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and, when possible, say “no” to taking on too much.
– Avoid people who stress you out. If you have someone who consistently causes stress in your life, then you must learn to limit the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship (if that is possible).
– Take control of your environment. If watching the news or your social media feed makes you anxious, turn off the TV and purge your feed. If traffic makes you totally stressed out, take a longer but less-congested route. If going to the mall is an overwhelming and unpleasant chore, do your shopping at smaller, more manageable stores or online.
– Scale down your to-do list. Take a long, honest look at your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, drop the tasks that aren’t absolutely necessary to the bottom of the list, or eliminate them entirely.

2. ALTER your environment
If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to change it. Often, this involves altering the way you communicate and function in your daily life.  
– Express your feelings instead of suppressing them. If something is bothering you, be more assertive and voice your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you’ve got to be somewhere in 20 minutes and your chatty housemate just got home, speak up that you only have five minutes to talk now, and can catch up with them later. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and your stress will increase.
 - Be willing to compromise. If you’re going to ask someone to change their behavior, you must be willing to do the same. When both parties are willing to bend, you have a much better chance of finding a happy middle ground.  
– Create a balanced schedule. All work and no play is a surefire way to reach burnout. It’s essential to find a balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary hobbies, daily responsibilities and leisure time.

3. ADAPT to the stressor
If you can’t avoid or alter the stressor, change yourself. People are resilient and can adapt to many stressful situations. You will regain a sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.  
– Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a being stuck traffic, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite album or podcast, or enjoy some alone time.  
– Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a week? A month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, re-direct your time and energy elsewhere.  
– Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set realistic expectations for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”
 - Practice gratitude. When stress or anxiety is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and skills. This simple practice can help you keep things in perspective.

4. ACCEPT the things you cannot change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as bad weather, serious illness, the death of a loved one, or a national crisis. In such cases, the best way to cope with the stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be challenging, but in the long run, it’s easier than expending all kinds of energy against a situation you can’t change.  
– Be reasonable about what you can control. Many things in life are beyond our control—particularly the actions and behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you do have power over such as the way you choose to react to problems.  
– Focus on the positive. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.  
– Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people mess up from time to time. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on. You will be less anxious. 
– Share your feelings. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Talk to a support, a trusted friend, or make an appointment with a therapist.
If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

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