Anxiety Therapy Buffalo Amherst WNY | Lesley Martin

Anxiety therapy treatment and counseling services for the Buffalo, Amherst, Williamsville, Tonawanda and WNY areas.

(716) 926-6009

4242 Ridge Lea Rd, Suite 11B, Amherst, NY 14226

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Do-It-Yourself Stress Management

February 20, 2018 by Lesley

Self-Help Techniques for Dealing with Stress

Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing you can do about stress. There will always be bills to pay, there will never be more than 24 hours in the day, and work and family responsibilities will always be there, demanding your time and energy. However, you actually have a lot more control than you may think. In truth, realizing that you’re the one in control of your life is the foundation of managing stress. Stress management is all about taking charge: of your lifestyle, your thoughts, your emotions, and the way you handle problems. No matter how stressful your life seems, there are simple steps you can take to reduce the pressure and regain your power.

Why is it so important to manage stress?
When you live with high levels of stress, you put your entire well-being at risk. Stress wreaks havoc on your mental and emotional equilibrium, as well as your physical health. It impacts your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy your life.
With effective stress management, you can break the hold stress has on your life, so you can be happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal is a life of balance, where there’s time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun, as well as developing the resilience to handle pressure and meet challenges head on. Good stress management is not cookie-cutter: it’s important to try different strategies to find out what works best for you.

Here’s one tip that can really help: Identify the sources of stress in your life
Managing stress and reducing anxiety starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This may not be as easy as it sounds. While it’s simple to identify major stressors such as switching jobs, moving, losing a loved one, or a going through a separation/divorce, discerning the sources of chronic stress can be more challenging. It’s easy to miss how your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors contribute to your everyday stress levels. Sure, you may know that you’re constantly worried and anxious about work deadlines, but maybe it’s your lack of organization or procrastination, rather than the actual demands of the job, that is causing the stress.

To identify your true stressors, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:
– Do you explain away stress as temporary (“It’s just that I have a ton of things going on right now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a break?
– Do you define stress as an fundamental part of your home or work life (“Things are always crazy around here”), or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy, that’s it”)?
– Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional (“It’s just that he/she/this situation makes me crazy”) or (“This is just how life is”)?
Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control.
If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

How do I cope with the stress of winter?

February 6, 2018 by Lesley

Now that we’re in the middle of winter, it can feel like the season will be never-ending. The cold weather, lack of sunlight, grey skies, constant shoveling and all the extra clothes and gear needed to leave the house can be incredibly stressful. Many people struggle this time of year with both anxiety and depression, and just feel very stressed out by all the effort required to to function normally in this climate. One way to better manage your stress and anxiety is to bring your “A game” using the 4 A’s of Anxiety Management:

1. AVOID unnecessary stress
Generally in life, and especially in therapy, avoidance is not a good idea. However, if there are stressors that cause you a lot of anxiety, like driving far distances in bad weather, then avoiding them can actually be a helpful. Of course, it’s not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may feel much better eliminating non-essential stressors. Removing unnecessary stress is simple when you can:
– Learn to say “NO.”  This two letter word is invaluable in helping us define our limits and stick to them. Whether personally or professionally, assuming more than you can handle is a certain recipe for stress and anxiety. Get clear on the difference between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and, when possible, say “no” to taking on too much.
– Avoid people who stress you out. If you have someone who consistently causes stress in your life, then you must learn to limit the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship (if that is possible).
– Take control of your environment. If watching the news or your social media feed makes you anxious, turn off the TV and purge your feed. If traffic makes you totally stressed out, take a longer but less-congested route. If going to the mall is an overwhelming and unpleasant chore, do your shopping at smaller, more manageable stores or online.
– Scale down your to-do list. Take a long, honest look at your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, drop the tasks that aren’t absolutely necessary to the bottom of the list, or eliminate them entirely.

2. ALTER your environment
If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to change it. Often, this involves altering the way you communicate and function in your daily life. 

– Express your feelings instead of suppressing them. If something is bothering you, be more assertive and voice your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you’ve got to be somewhere in 20 minutes and your chatty housemate just got home, speak up that you only have five minutes to talk now, and can catch up with them later. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and your stress will increase.

- Be willing to compromise. If you’re going to ask someone to change their behavior, you must be willing to do the same. When both parties are willing to bend, you have a much better chance of finding a happy middle ground. 

– Create a balanced schedule. All work and no play is a surefire way to reach burnout. It’s essential to find a balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary hobbies, daily responsibilities and leisure time.

3. ADAPT to the stressor
If you can’t avoid or alter the stressor, change yourself. People are resilient and can adapt to many stressful situations. You will regain a sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude. 

– Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a being stuck traffic, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite album or podcast, or enjoy some alone time. 

– Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a week? A month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, re-direct your time and energy elsewhere. 

– Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set realistic expectations for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”

- Practice gratitude. When stress or anxiety is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and skills. This simple practice can help you keep things in perspective.

4. ACCEPT the things you cannot change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as bad weather, serious illness, the death of a loved one, or a national crisis. In such cases, the best way to cope with the stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be challenging, but in the long run, it’s easier than expending all kinds of energy against a situation you can’t change. 

– Be reasonable about what you can control. Many things in life are beyond our control—particularly the actions and behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you do have power over such as the way you choose to react to problems. 

– Focus on the positive. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes. 

– Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people mess up from time to time. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on. You will be less anxious.

– Share your feelings. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Talk to a support, a trusted friend, or make an appointment with a therapist.
If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

How do you know if you have an anxiety disorder?

January 5, 2018 by Lesley

Now that the holidays are behind us, and we’ve moved into a new year, you might be finding yourself still feeling keyed up or stressed out, and you don’t know why.

One of the questions I’m asked, frequently, is “How do I know if I have an anxiety disorder?”

So I wanted to write this post to explore how you recognize anxiety in yourself or someone you love.

Anxiety is one of the most prevalent illnesses in the world- impacting about 34% of the world’s population at any time, according to the National Insitutes of Health.

Yet anxiety disorder is not something that is widely discussed, and many times people who suffer from anxiety don’t even know they have it. They just know they feel terrible.

So how do you know if you’re experiencing an anxiety disorder?

#1: You feel very distressed and upset; and you may feel you’re over-reacting.

Of course, it’s normal to feel worried and upset when you get bad news. Yet people who have an anxiety disorder are worried all the time- about many things. The stress and worry consumes you; you don’t have a lot of room for much else in your life.

#2: You are distressed most of the time; and it seems to be getting worse.

It started small, such as a discomfort of going out to crowded shopping malls, but it’s steadily progressing to the point where you don’t want to leave your house. Or you used to avoid one particular social event, but now you’re avoiding all social events.

#3: You go out of your way to avoid what you fear.

Your life is being impacted and changed by your anxiety level. Where you used to enjoy traveling by plane, now you only drive. Or you avoid taking on new challenges or having new experiences because the uncertainty and fear is just too much.

#4: Your worries begin to impact your daily life.

You start to have sleep or eating difficulties. You lose interest in activities you previously enjoyed. You have difficulty completing your work on time because you are worried it’s not perfect, or you worry that someone will criticize you. Gradually, you start to feel increasingly alone, just you and your worries.

If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s important to seek out professional help.

Anxiety responds well to professional care, and a skilled therapist can help you navigate through your anxiety.

If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

The Power of Wondering

December 4, 2017 by Lesley

If you have anxiety, you are probably very familiar with feeling worried. You might go to bed and worry, you might wake up and worry, and you might find yourself worrying all through the day.

Getting ready for a presentation at work; you’re worried.

Driving home and trying to get dinner on the table; you’re worried.

Unexpected bills show up and you don’t know how you’ll pay them; you’re worried.

Life is always changing and those changes can be anxious. Sometimes, it’s not the big things which overwhelm us, but the small things, one after the other, that pile up.

If you are feeling anxious and worried, it’s very likely that you’re spending a lot of time in the past or the future- meaning either you’re looking ahead and really wanting something to happen (while being afraid that it won’t) or you’re looking behind at something you did or said (that you wished you hadn’t).

For people who worry, most of their life is lived moving back and forth between the past and the future. This is why learning how to be present and mindful of this moment, right now, and the next, and the next can be a powerful strategy for managing anxiety.

Another powerful strategy is the power of wondering. Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., in her book, Embracing Uncertainty, shares an exercise that can help reduce your worrying mindset.

It’s pretty simple to do; but will take practice.

All you have to do is when you wake up, or when you find yourself worrying about something, just ask yourself, “I wonder what will happen in my life today.”

You would state this, rather than saying something like, “I really need this to happen today” or “I really want this to happen today” or “I really hope this happens today.”

Replace any of those phrases with “I wonder…”

So, let’s say that you have a performance review meeting scheduled for today. When you wake up, instead of saying, “I really hope it goes well”, try replacing that with “I wonder how it will go today.”

Most people will feel a positive, and welcome, energetic shift when they move from hoping/needing to wondering.

In a way, this simple statement can help you better manage what life brings you, and can help reduce your need for control.

As we move into the holiday season, add “I wonder” to your skillset of worry management tools, and see what a difference it makes for you.

If you feel you could benefit from additional strategies to manage stress and lower your anxiety, we can help! Give us a call at (716) 926-6009 or click here to schedule an appointment.

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4242 Ridge Lea Road, Suite 11B
Amherst, NY 14226
(716) 926-6009

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